


I Got Chew

by Lamport



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: AU, Crack, F/M, NSFW, OOC to put it mildly..., Polygamy, all the fic cliches in one place, smut parody, written for a laugh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 06:20:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9371996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lamport/pseuds/Lamport
Summary: Carol took out the compact in her purse and appraised her appearance with a critical eye.  At 25, she had a perfect wrinkle-free face, long flowing curly tresses the colour of mahogany, and blue eyes that sparkled like cut sapphires.“I’m hideous,” she sighed, “Who would ever want me?”





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was written... a while ago to make a friend laugh. It was ridiculously fun to write. I may have giggled like an idiot the entire time. This is not intended to make fun of anyone or anyone's writing style. I adore Caryl fic writers and admire anyone who has the guts to post their work online.
> 
> I was inspired to post it in part because this post: https://onedayyoujustchange.tumblr.com/post/155835589290/allthatglitters-love-brokendraco
> 
> Enjoy!

Carol Peletier sighed as she put the last chair up on the desk in her grade four classroom. It had been a very long day indeed. Precocious rascal and class clown, Sam, had her class in stitches when he asked a question about the birds and the bees. 

“What do my mommy and her friend Rick do in her room at night? It sounds like they’re wrestling!” 

She had smoothly avoided answering the question, (reminding him that it wasn’t his business and he would know more when he grew up) but his comment had left her thinking about how much her core had been aching lately. It was hard living the life of a pious public school teacher and single mother.

Sadly, she hadn’t had anyone to “wrestle” with since her dear late husband Ed passed away from breast cancer the previous year. It just didn’t seem right to her to disrespect his memory in that way - especially since their daughter, Sophia, idolized her father so much. He was the only man she ever loved, and the only person she’d ever slept with. All she had left of him was his picture by her bedside and the gold band she wore around her finger.

Still, she was a woman, and she had needs. 

Carol took out the compact in her purse and appraised her appearance with a critical eye. At 25, she had a perfect wrinkle-free face, long flowing curly tresses the colour of mahogany, and blue eyes that sparkled like cut sapphires. 

“I’m hideous,” she sighed, “Who would ever want me?”

The bell rang loudly overhead, and snapped her out of her self-deprecating thoughts. She wasn’t due to meet her best friends Andrea and Michonne for their weekly sex-on-the-beach cocktails until 7:00pm, though she’d be the only one not drinking a virgin. Andrea and Michonne were both pregnant having been knocked up by their mutual boyfriend, Merle Dixon. Carol didn’t fully understand their polygamous lifestyle, but she was non-judgemental as long as they continued to attend church. Merle was a preacher, so she didn’t worry. He was a good god-fearing man; gentle as a lamb and always on the right side of the law. 

She didn’t even have to worry about Sophia - who was staying at her best friend Carl’s house with his mom, and Carol’s high school friend, Lori Grimes. It seemed that her little girl liked spending a lot of time at their house. Probably because she’s looking for a father figure, Carol thought dejectedly. She just wasn’t enough for her little girl. Sophia needed an overbearing man in her life to give her advice on how best to kick boys in the nuts, and tell her when she couldn’t leave the house for wearing something slutty. Oh, how I wish Ed were still alive!

“I guess I’ll just wipe off the chalkboard and head home,” she sighed again.

Just as she was picking up the eraser she heard someone enter the room, shuffling their feet and clearing phlegm from their throat.

“Am I interrupting?”

It was the janitor. Carol had been at the school for ten years, but she’d never stayed late enough to encounter this particular janitor before. She wished she had!

He wore grimy full-body blue coveralls with a nametag with “Daryl” stitched in red. She watched, transfixed, as he pulled his arms out of the sleeves and tied them around his waist, revealing a white wife-beater tank top and dangerous looking tattoos, hair the colour of ebony falling over his aquamarine soulful peepers. He lit a cigarette and let it dangle from his lips before meeting her eyes and pushing a mop bucket into the room.

“No, I was just... cleaning the chalkboard.”

She was surprised any sound came out of her mouth at all. He was exquisite. His cobalt blue eyes pierced hers before he chuckled ruefully and looked away.

“That’s my job,” he drawled.

She glanced down at his crotch and felt her core begin to moisten. She wasn’t one to judge - but he looked very well endowed. She licked her lips slowly and deliberately.

“Maybe I could help you?” she asked, hopping up on a table and blushing.

“Don’t think I’ve met you before,” he said, staring at her with those peacock blue eyes, “You’re Ms. Peletier, right? Sixth grade?”

“That’s right!” She was infinitely impressed by his knowledge of her. He was very observant, and that only turned her on more - her nipples tightened. He moved closer to her, like a stealthy wolf on the prowl. 

Then his robin’s egg blue eyes softened with unshed tears.

“Was in sixth grade when my momma passed. She died fighting a forest fire. She done raised me good. I fuckin loved that woman.”

Moved by his emotions, she reached out and caressed his cheek with one finger. He leaned into her touch.

“I’m so sorry,” she breathed, “That must have been so hard for you.” 

This close, she could smell him, and his scent was only furthering her arousal. He smelled like motor oil, pine trees, Mr. Clean, and something wild. It was driving her folds crazy. If she didn’t kiss him soon she knew she would die on the spot.

“‘s not your fault, Carol,” he sighed, bringing a calloused hand to her waist. He put his fingers under the hem of her shirt and caressed the small of her back. She made a loud mewling noise.

“H-h-how do you know my name?”

He chuckled, gruffly, exhaling smoke and pulling her up against his chest so that he could whisper in her ear.

“There ain’t a thing ‘bout you I haven’t noticed,” he said firmly.

Carol squeezed her eyes shut. Now wasn’t the time to cry, but she couldn’t help the tears that leaked out.

“Shhhhh. ‘s okay,” he murmured, stroking her hair, “I got chew.”

“Kiss me! Please!” she pleaded, staring up into his midnight blue eyes as they blew wide in wonder.

“Ain’t never kissed no one afore,” he confessed, blushing hard. It only made him look more adorable and desirable to her. She’d have to walk him through this, and that was okay with her. They could take things slow.

“Close your eyes,” she whispered. He complied.

The millisecond her lips brushed his she knew she was a goner. All the blood in her body rushed to her folds. Damn but he knew how to kiss. He gasped in surprise and she used the opportunity to slip her tongue into his mouth and lick his back molars. He groaned like a bear.

They kept kissing, locked together against the chalkboard, tongues dueling for dominance, until she could feel the massive hard on he was getting pressing against her thigh. She was only wearing a pencil skirt and shirt (she silently thanked god for the fact that she had remembered to put on her matching red lace panty and bra set that morning) and was more than willing to pull up her skirt to see what that massive cock could do.

Daryl pushed her away abruptly, running a hand over his kiss swollen lips and sparkling indego eyes. 

“Wait. Ain’t never… you know… with no one either,” he said in a rush. 

Her eyes widened. How was it possible that a man that looked like he did had never had sex before? She nodded her head, stoically resigned to the task at hand.

“It’s okay, baby. I got you.”

He nodded back and returned to her embrace, kissing her passionately and pinning her against the floor. It felt so good to be in his strong arms with his abs crushing her. To feel the hard length of his manhood wiggling against her like a giant cobra. 

Daryl pulled back, abruptly, and cupped her tits in both hands. The pressure was incredible. Her nipples were so hard she feared they might cut his hands, right through her bra and sensible shirt. She let out a high pitched squeal.

Suddenly, he ripped her shirt open with his giant strong hands. Pearl buttons scattered all over the floor.

“You like that?” he leered.

“YES!” she screamed, shoving her tongue farther into his hot mouth. He tasted like dynamite and high octane fuel, and she was burning for more.

“Tell me how you like it,” he moaned, humping madly against her leg and squeezing her bouncing bare breasts with abandon. Her bra was somehow in tatters on the floor. Her core ached.

“Want it,” she cooed, no longer able to speak in full sentences. Her body was on fire - her thoughts scattered everywhere at once - except for one. She needed him inside her NOW.

“Wanna fuck you in the ass, k?” he murmured, pressing his tongue deep into her belly button.

“YES!” she screamed. 

Greedily she dropped to her knees and tore at his coveralls until his glorious veiny manhood was on proud display. A shaft of sunlight from the window hit it just right and she paused for a moment taking in its glow. Thank you, Lord, she silently prayed. The tip was already leaking for her.

She glided one finger reverently over his heated flesh.

“Stop!” he cried out, “Gonna cum.”

“Want you to,” she pleaded, stroking harder.

“You first,” he chuckled, pulling her to her feet and yanking her skirt up to her waist. “Damn baby, you smell so good.”

“Daryl. PLEASE. I need you,” she cried. She was tired of waiting. Her core began to flutter and spasm.

With an inhuman howl he pulled her black lace panties aside and pushed his impossibly huge leaky dick into her drenched folds.

She cried out in pain. He was bigger than she first thought. She could feel every bump and ridge pressing against her core, massaging him as he strained to seat himself fully inside her. It was the most pleasure she had ever experienced - even more pleasurable than when she made love to Ed (god rest his soul).

Daryl snarled, sweat dripping like rain off his forehead and onto her face, stinging her eyes. “C’mon woman, spread them legs!”

She complied, weakly, spreading her legs into a perfect split and crying when she realized that it still wasn’t enough to accommodate his enormous girth.

“Take it!” he demanded. “Then I’m gonna put it in your ass!”

His words were so tender and erotic that her insides fluttered spasmodically and she came so hard she blacked out. When she came to, he had her bent over the desk, gripping his still-hard dick in his calloused hands.

She gulped hard, but could feel the ring of her hole loosening in preparation for him. 

“Ready,” she mewled.

He shoved forward, pushing all the weight of his body onto her and forcing his manhood in her tight hole. It felt divine.

“Oh my god!” she screamed. “I’m going to come AGAIN!”

“Yeah!” he huffed, breathing hard as he worked her,”Take it!”

Three hours later he came hard, collapsing against her glowing body in the fading light.

“Damn, baby. That was incredible,” he sighed, pulling her into his arms for a cuddle. She sighed against his chest, running her fingers playfully over the tattoo she found there.

“Who’s Norman?” she asked. 

To her surprise, Daryl started crying softly. Hot tears tracked their way through the grime on his face.

“Dog I had as a kid,” he blubbered. “Was the best thing in my life after momma died - aside from my daddy and my big brother Merle.”

“Wait. Your brother is Merle?” she asked in surprise.

“Yeah. Merle Dixon.”

She chuckled to herself.

“What’s so damn funny?” he groused, shoving her away.

“You’re Daryl DIXON. Michonne and Andrea tried to set me up with you last week and I couldn’t make it because my car broke down and I don’t know how to fix anything or use a phone.”

He smiled brightly and pulled her closer again, toying with her nipples and making her core begin to ache and spasm all over again.

“Well, I recon we done made up for that,” he chuckled, exhaling smoke in a cloud above their heads.

She drifted off in his arms until she woke up with a start in the middle of the night.

“Daryl!”

“What is it woman? Damn, you’re so needy. Go to sleep!”

“I think - I think the condom broke…”

He sighed angrily. “So? I came in your ass.”

She shook her head sadly and looked at him with tear filled eyes.

“I have a medical condition where my ass and uterus are joined,” she explained softly, bracing herself for his reaction. “I think I’m pregnant.”

Daryl stared at her hard before smiling at her softly, and running a hand through her curls.

“‘s okay, baby. I love kids. I wanna have a million babies wit you - if you’ll have my sorry ass.”

He reached into the mop bucket and pulled out a tiny velvet box. She gasped in surprise - tears stinging her eyes.

“I know this is quick, but Carol, you’re the best damn thing that’s ever happened to me (since Norman). Will you be my woman for the rest of your life?”

Carol broke down in happy sobs.

“YES!”

The END

+++

 

 

 

Epilogue:

 

“Didn’t I tell you Daryl was cute?” Andrea said to Carol, patting her growing belly. She and Andrea had teased Carol about joining the baby club - but they couldn’t have been more thrilled that their old friend finally found true love.

“I should have listened,” Carol sighed, feeling the life kick within her. “I just hope he looks like Daryl and not me. I’m really ugly.”

“I hope the same for Merle Jr.” Andrea sighed.

“What are you going to name him?” Michonne asked, gesturing to Carol’s ever expanding tummy.

“Well.. Actually… It’s triplets!” 

Michonne and Andrea squealed. “YAY!”

“Daryl is so virile we just KNOW they’re all boys, so we’re thinking Norman, T-Dog, and Tyreese,” she sighed, looking down at her shiny new wedding band next to her diamond sparkler. 

Life was perfect.

 

THE END FOR REALZ

**Author's Note:**

> Are we still friends?


End file.
